


when i grow up

by chewhy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:49:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22222087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chewhy/pseuds/chewhy
Summary: He hears the rumors first before he connects them with the shock of red hair that seems to float above the rest of the crowd milling through the hallways. They make eye contact for a brief moment, on accident, and the brief memory of childhood rises to the surface. Before, it had been an insignificant blip, but now, seeing the empty look on that face, his own twists in a mixture of pity and guilt.Poe wonders if anything would have changed the course they’re set on now.Probably not.NOTE: semi-abandoned. potentially will come back to it if i get into star wars again but for the time being that's looking unlikely
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hello hi i actually have no idea where this fic is going, but i just really loved this pairing so much that i felt like i had to at least try writing something for them
> 
> also, this is my first fanfiction about uh star wars but also about fiction? I've only ever written RPF before now lol so we'll see where this goes
> 
> also i feel like i'm not well versed enough in star wars lore to write them well in that universe... anyways thanks for reading ! yay ! i'll stop rambling now !

_ Poe sits at his desk, swinging his feet back and forth, bumping them back and forth into the chair legs that are a little too long for his feet. He’s a little bit shorter than most of the kids in his grade, so when the classrooms changed along with the chairs, his legs didn’t quite grow enough between second and third grade for his feet to hit the ground comfortably on the “big kid” chairs. It’s fine, though, because Poe was never one for sitting still, prefer to jiggle his legs up and down or run around the classroom until the teacher gives an exasperated shout, “Poe, sit down or else we’ll have to move your happy pin to the misbehaving section!” _

_ Today, Poe stays seated long enough to finish his drawing. He was never much of an artist, but anybody can easily guess that the scrawl of blue crayon is the sky and the brightly colored orange triangle is a plane, especially when he puts his crayons down in favor of flapping his hands through the air, accompanied by the swooshing noises bursting from his mouth. “Mrs. Peterson! Mrs. Peterson! Look, I finished my drawing!” Poe vibrates in his seat as he eagerly waits for the teacher to cross the room and crouch next to him at his desk.  _

_ “Thank you for raising your hand, Poe,” she says sweetly. Mrs. Peterson pulls his drawing closer to herself and looks at the drawing. “So, you want to be a pilot when you grow up?” Poe nods eagerly, watching as she taps the bottom of the drawing. “Why don’t you write me a caption for your drawing while we wait for the rest of the class to finish, okay?” _

_ Poe hums in acknowledgement and picks up the green crayon before Mrs. Peterson stills his hand. “With pencil, please.”  _

_ “Got it, Mrs. P!” Poe says, saluting her the way he’s seen his mom do before. She just smiles and moves to the desk next to him, kneeling down to observe the next students work. Meanwhile, Poe takes care to keep his penmanship legible, if not neat, as he writes, “One day, I’ll be a pilot, just like my mom. I really, really, really want to fly.” His hand starts to cramp from holding his pencil so tightly, so he looks up and around the classroom, and sees the teacher has moved to the back.  _

_ It’s mostly quiet, so he can hear her speaking over the sounds of scribbling on paper.  _

_ “Armitage,” she says gently, but firmly, “Why is your page still blank?” _

_ “I- I’m sorry, ma’am,” the kid stutters back. His legs jut out from under the desk, a little bit too long, and his ankles are so pale Poe reckons he can see the fluorescent lighting reflecting off of them, where they stretch out past his frayed pant legs. He sits hunched over, refusing to make eye contact with Mrs. Peterson, flinching as she sighs beside him.  _

_ “There’s no need to apologize, but you should start soon or you’ll have to take it home for homework. Do you have any idea what you want to be when you grow up?” she asks gently, picking up the unopened box of crayons and pulling out a color at random. It’s black, and Armitage takes it into his hand reluctantly, gripping it tightly in one fist.  _

_ “I… I’m not sure,” he mumbles, but puts the crayon to paper anyways and begins scratching away.  _

_ “Well,” Mrs. Peterson says, eyebrows drawn together. “What do your parents do? Maybe you want to be like them when you grow up? Like Poe.” _

_ At the mention of his name, Poe shoots up out of his chair, “Yeah! I wanna fly planes, just like my mom!”  _

_ He grabs his piece of paper to show it off, ignoring Mrs. Peterson as she scolds, “Poe! No running in the classroom!” and jets off to the other side of the room, moving his hand up and down like a plane in flight.  _

_ “Look!” he tries to say, but ends up tripping on his own feet and crashing into Armitage’s desk. By that point, the whole class has turned around to watch, half gasping and half laughing at the trouble Poe’s caused again. He manages to pull himself up and dusts himself off easily enough, but turns to see Armitage doubled over and gasping, clutching his chest where the desk had shoved him.  _

_ When Poe reaches out a hand to try to help him up, Armitage scrambles backwards, flinching away as he gasps out between heaving breaths, “No! Don’t touch me! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” _

_ “Poe,” Mrs. Peterson says sternly, “Back to your seat, now.” With that, she leads Armitage, still hyperventilating, out of the classroom and presumably to the nurse’s office, putting another one of the girls, Rose, in charge of the class for the time being. _

_ ‘I’m sorry,’ Poe wants to say, as he never means any harm, but they’re both out of the room before he can remember how to move his mouth again.  _

_ “Poe, you need to move your happy pin to the misbehaving section!” Rose calls out accusingly in the tone that only a third grade teacher’s pet can attain.  _

_ “Yeah, whatever Rosie Posie,” Poe huffs. Before he makes the walk of shame to the front of the classroom, he reaches down and picks up the drawing that had fallen off of Armitage’s desk.  _

_ It’s just a giant black circle covering the page.  _

_ The longer he looks, the more Poe feels like he’s about to be sucked inside and fall, fall down the hole.  _


	2. the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they meet again a few years later

He hears the rumors first before he connects them with the shock of red hair that seems to float above the rest of the crowd milling through the hallways. They make eye contact for a brief moment, on accident, and the brief memory of childhood rises to the surface. Before, it had been an insignificant blip during the passage of his youth, but now, seeing the empty look on that face, his own twists in a mixture of pity and guilt.

Poe wonders if anything would have changed the course they’re set on now, any small action, any hand held out. 

Probably not. 

\--

They’re all just sitting around and chatting as they wait for the bell to ring. Poe, as usual, is fucking around, tipping his chair back a little too far as he leans across the gap between his desk and Lucy’s to throw her a wink and casually flirt. None of his inner friend group shares his morning math class, but it doesn’t stop Poe from chatting with his classmates, generally well known and well liked. 

The bell rings and most everybody settles down, pulling out pens and paper as Miss. Anderson comes to the front of the room. She shoots a frown at Poe where he’s still balancing on the two back feet of his chair, but doesn’t say anything so Poe stays where he is, leaning his elbows back onto the empty desk behind him. 

The teacher clears her throat to begin the class on integrals or whatever they’ve moved onto in the second week when the door swings open, and there he stands. Dressed head to toe in a monochromatic black, grey, and white, the only color that Poe can see in his ensemble is his gelled red hair and the pink hall pass he holds tightly in his trembling hands. 

“What do you need?” she asks, face pinched into a frown. 

“My name is Armitage Hux. I just tested into this math level,” he answers. Poe notices that his voice is firm, masking the nervousness that his hands can’t seem to hide. 

As Armitage walks forward to pass on the note, he briefly turns his head to survey the classroom, and his eyes catch on Poe's for half a second. It’s brief, but startling enough that Poe’s balance shifts until he’s tilting, and almost in slow motion he feels his stomach being pulled inside out as his head hits the desk behind him and he falls onto the floor in a heap. 

There are a few giggles rippling through the classroom as they watch Poe sheepishly pick himself up, rubbing the back of his head. “My bad, my bad, Miss. Anderson. Won’t happen again.”

The teacher doesn’t bother to respond, instead turning back to Armitage. “See me after class to go over what you’ve missed. You can sit in the desk behind Mr. Dameron once he’s straightened it out. Feel free to ask him questions if you’re lost.” With that taken care of, she turns back to the board and begins writing. 

“Today, we will start covering integrals, as we’ve finished our review of derivatives. Don’t forget that I will be checking - “ Poe tunes her out as he picks up the desk and his chair, turning and indicating the seat to Armitage who is still standing at the front of the room. 

He approaches, and before he can sit, Poe moves around the desk to pull out the chair for him in a show of exaggerated chivalry. 

“Please be seated, Mr. Dameron, Mr. Hux,” Miss. Anderson calls from the front of the room. 

Poe shrugs, answering, “Sorry, just trying to be welcoming,” and takes in the blush on Armitage’s cheeks before finally turning back to the front of the classroom. He copies down the homework assignment and textbook pages before zoning out for the rest of the class. 

By the end of the lecture, Poe is leaned halfway off the desk, head propped up on his hand as he tries his best to keep his eyes open. He barely even registers that the other students are beginning to pack up their belongings until he’s startled awake by a tap on his shoulder. 

He turns around to see Armitage standing by his desk, fidgeting from foot to foot, and hastily moves to wipe at the corners of his mouth in case he drooled at all during his sleep. “Sup?”

“Hello, Dameron. I’m Hux, I was wondering if you might be able to fill me in on some of the material and homework I have missed in the past week.” Armitage stands straight and doesn’t meet Poe’s eyes as he speaks. His voice and tone are far too formal for anybody speaking to Poe, and he almost feels like he’s being reprimanded for a moment. 

“Oh, sure, Armitage, right?” Poe says. “Do you want my number or something?” He considers dropping in a wink, a sly smile followed by a lewd pick up line, but something holds him back from his usual behavior. 

Armitage’s face twists into a frown and he says, “No, that’s quite alright. I can find your email in the school directory. I’ll contact you shortly.”

“Nah,” Poe says. The bell rings just then, signalling the five minute warning before their next class begins. “I don’t really check my email. Here,” he pauses in the middle of pushing everything off his desk and into his bag, pulling a pen out of his hair and writing on the helicopter shaped sticky notes he finds in his backpack’s side pocket. “This is my number, feel free to text me or call me whenever. Gotta go, bye!” With that, he runs out the door and off to his next class. 

\--

He’s sitting in bed at home later that day, stripped down to his boxers and working on his farming sim video game when a notification pops up in the corner of his computer screen. Poe flickers his eyes towards the text bubble, losing his hold on the fish in the process. Taking that as a sign to step back into the real world, Poe clicks on the notification and finds an email in his inbox. One of 6,432 unread emails in his inbox, to be exact. 

**Course Review**

**Armitage Hux <** [ **a.hux@gmail.com** ](mailto:a.hux@gmail.com) **>**

To: Poe Dameron

_ Dameron, _

_ I’m afraid I can not communicate by phone. If you can, please email me the notes from the previous classes that I have missed, and any homework assignments as well. Thanks. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Hux _

Poe frowns, and shuffles around in his bed before typing out a response.

**Re: Course Review**

**Poe Dameron <** [ **starpilot1@gmail.com** ](mailto:starpilot1@gmail.com) **>**

To: Armitage Hux

_ Yo, like i said i usually dont check my email but ur lucky i saw this notification. I can give u the notes next class? Dont have them right now. Homework’s in the picture. Hey, i dont rlly have any friends in this class, lemme know if u wanna study together? _

_ [Attachment: IMG_1923.JPG] _

_ -poe _

  
  


**Re: Course Review**

**Armitage Hux <** [ **a.hux@gmail.com** ](mailto:a.hux@gmail.com) **>**

To: Poe Dameron

_ Dameron, _

_ Thank you for your assistance. I’ll consider your offer. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Hux _

And so that’s how it begins. 

\--

“Poe!”

He turns around in the cafeteria until his eyes land on a pale arm that sticks up from behind a crowd of heads. 

“Poe, over here!” Rey calls, and Poe weaves his way through the crowd periodically shooting finger guns and bumping fists until he finally reaches his destination. 

“Rey, hey, what’s up? Did you bring me anything?”

Rey slides a bag of chips (garden salsa sun chips, nice), a sandwich and a bottle of Pepsi across the table and stares at Poe expectantly until a ten dollar bill is passed over, which she flicks and nods at before stuffing it in her shirt. “Pleasure doing business with you,” she says in an exaggerated deep voice, losing the character halfway through and falling into a fit of giggles. 

Poe merely rolls his eyes and picks up the bottle, frowning as he says, “Pepsi, Rey-bae? Really? You couldn’t get me a nice, refreshing, doesn’t taste like bug spray and gasoline bottle of Coke?”

At that moment, Finn squeezes in beside the two of them and plops a half drunk bottle of Coca-Cola on the table. “Sorry, pal. You should have been on time,” he says with a shrug and a half grin, clearly not even remotely sorry. 

Poe just rolls his eyes and lightly shoves at him, looking around the table. “Hey, I’ve actually gotta leave in like five but where’s Rose? I feel like I’ve barely seen her since the semester began but I need to give her my textbook from chem.”

“Oh, where are you going?” Rey asks, looking up from where she’s deconstructing her own sandwich. 

“Eh, just some studying, you know how it is,” Poe says shrugging. 

Rey squints at him for a second before accepting it, answering, “Come on, Poe, you know that I of all people would not know how ‘studying’ is.”

Poe just laughs and ruffles her hair. He pulls his textbook out of his bag and drops it on the table, “Get this to Rose for me, okay? I’ll be off.”

Rey smiles and waves as he leaves, and even though Poe was sincerely telling the truth about leaving to study, he still feels a strange sense of guilt pooling in the pit of his stomach. It isn’t that he’s necessarily  _ embarrassed _ , or that he thinks it’s something he would be judged for (well, maybe a little bit) but rather… he’s intrigued. He’d like the opportunity to do a little snooping on his own before revealing it to the world. It’s strange, though, because normally, Poe is the type to overshare. Nobody tells Poe secrets, because the minute he knows, it's usually guaranteed that the whole school knows. He can’t help that he’s an open book. 

And yet, as he sits there, half an hour into lunch period, watching the side profile of pale skin, red hair, lips that move apart slightly as they read words under their breath and chew at the eraser of a pencil, Poe realizes that maybe this one time, he’s found something that he wants to keep all for himself. 

“What are you looking at?” a voice says, breaking Poe out of his thoughts. He shakes his head and a curl of his hair falls into his eyes, cutting into his line of vision as he watches green eyes follow the curve of the curl across his forehead before they wander back around and down to the textbook in front of them. 

“Nothing,” Poe answers, “Nothing at all. We should try to get through these problems before the bell rings.”

“Alright,” Hux says, nodding before shifting the book to be more in between the two of them. “Calculus.”

Poe smiles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah! thank you for everybody that read/commented/left kudos! i know its been a few weeks since the last update but i didn't really expect anybody to read this fic haha so i'm excited to be back with another update! i'll try to be somewhat regular, school schedule permitting :) thanks for reading and i hope you guys enjoy! chapters will probably be getting longer as they go
> 
> also please come say hi, i'm on tumblr at huxlikesdick lol or leave a comment below! i try to respond to all comments

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading! really hope you can take a second to leave a comment, i love getting feedback and i do my best to always reply!
> 
> find me on [[twitter (ch3w2)](https://twitter.com/ch3w2)] and [[tumblr (ch3w2)](http://ch3w2.tumblr.com/)]!  
>  **kudos and comments always appreciated**
> 
> my carrd is [ch3w2.carrd.co](https://ch3w2.carrd.co/) for more information about requests


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